Friday, August 13, 2004

Well, here I am. Another fine Mourning. I have everything to be appreciative and grateful. Supposedly, I have my health. Feeling bad as a way of life. Anything I do I cannot escape the fact that I am all one “alone” needing to be in good company. How do I get excited about life and about reality when it seems all the same everyday?

What do you do when you find her? How to you keep sane when all you want to do is hold her and never let go. Union request. Requesting to stop over into semi- permanent Union. Peeling the Ion, balancing the need of the I on. Every family begins with a I on.

Something in my life must want me to be all alone. Alone, I respect my projects. What am I projecting out there? So many years of projections…

Recovering a sense of importance when it has seemed that so many failures pile in tremendous heaps of baggage.

Years away from any scene… My heart longs for what I do not know anymore. I no longer know what brings me joy and any degree of lasting happiness. What about me? How do I take care of myself? So here comes the little family who has caused so much hesitation. People do not do what I want them to. It seemed that what S did while she was around me was perfect. In the hall of mirrors with all of its perfect distractions, yet which is worth pursuing remains unclear.

Shimmering bronze vision

How did I come to know you

Blistering winds crash me into hot dunes

Waking mouthful of sandy impermanence

Enticing Orange fruit suspended out of reach

Its ...